


The Boy who sought Adventure

by IdunAurora



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (a terrible one), Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Attempt at Humor, Day 5, Fairies, Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Tale Retellings, Farm boy Viktor, M/M, No dragons, Pop Culture, Prince Yuuri, Trolls, Victuuriweek2018, intertextuality, no anthropomorphic personifications, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 16:05:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13574049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdunAurora/pseuds/IdunAurora
Summary: AKA: A Self-Aware Fairy Tale Retelling about a Boy who doesn't know what Adventure is (but finds it anyway)Our boy is name Viktor. He wants to find Adventure (with a capital A), but he's a little unsure what Adventure really is, so together with his dog, he enters the Dark and Altogether Terrifying Forest to look for it. Since this is a fairy tale, Yuuri takes the role of the captive prince that is held hostage by some very foul and ugly trolls in a very cold and looming mountain.This fairy tale is, however, self-aware. Or perhaps, self-conscious, and because of this, it takes a few rather unexpectedly expected turns. Unfortunately, there are no dragons in this story, but there are trolls and fairies and a mushroom the size of Yakov's bald spot. Oh, and a spell, too! Spells are important.(This is a retelling of the fairy tale The Boy and the Adventure. Be afraid of all the parentheses and pop culture-references on the path that lies ahead.)VictuuriWeek2018 Day 5: Fantasy





	The Boy who sought Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> There and Never Made it Back Again: A Farm Boy's Tale by Viktor Nikiforov, who went out the door and ended up elsewhere.
> 
> OR
> 
> There(?) and Back Again: A Prince's Tale by Yuuri Katsuki, who isn't sure how he got _there_ but did make it back again.
> 
> ...it's the same story. And there still aren't any dragons in it.

Once upon a time, there was a prince who saved a princess, brought her with him to his lands, and they lived happily ever after in fancy castle somewhere not too far away from here.

This fairy tale is not about them.

It does involve a prince, though, but he’s not very interested in princesses. He also happens to be the one in need of saving. There is also a princess, and even a queen somewhere in this story, and they’re in need of saving, too, but that comes later. Did I mention there’s a boy with a dog, too?

Uh… let’s try again, shall we?

_Krhm!_

Once upon a time, there was-

“Where do you think you’re going, boy?!”

Ah, there he is. This is the boy. Yeah, the one that’s now turning around to face the old farmer that _rudely_ interrupted my story to yell at him.

_As I was saying!_

The boy flashed the old farmer a brilliant smile, long, silver hair whirling around him in the breeze, his dog wagging her tail in excitement, tongue lolling out. (Yes, she’s a poodle, in case you were wondering).

“We’re going to look for Adventure, Yakov!” the boy explained cheerfully to the scowling farmer, who looked like he had just lost a decade of his life in exasperation, “I’ve heard so much about it, and I want to experience it for myself!”

The old man’s grey hair was visibly thinning on his head.

“And _where_ are you going to look for adventure, boy?” he spluttered, pushing the shovel to stand in the soil so he could walk over to the little pain in the rear that was his nephew, “And what’s in that satchel?”

 “Just some sandwiches, and dried meat for Makka.” The boy shrugged, twirling a lock of hair around his finger absentmindedly. Then, his face split into a wide grin, indicating he could surely have managed to eat a sandwich lengthwise. “And I’m going into the Dark Woods, of course!”

The farmer looked like he was about to burst into flames, “Viktor, I swear to the gods-!”

“But Yakoooo-oov!” whined Viktor the boy, pouting, his dog whining with him in a whiny duet, “Everything’s been so sad and gloomy lately. The king died, and we all grieved, because he was pretty great, and then the prince was kidnapped, so we grieved some more, because he was pretty great, too. The queen is grieving, the princess is grieving, everyone’s grieving, which is depressing, and there’s no _excitement_.” The grin returned, wider than before. “But I’ve heard Adventure is exciting, so I’m going to find it!”

The old farmer Yakov heaved a sigh somewhere from the depths of his exasperation, stemming from the nitwittedness of his (otherwise, frankly, clever) nephew. While Yakov knew Viktor’s words to be true, with the entire kingdom bawling their eyes out over the lost prince, he also knew that the boy was about to throw himself head-first into something utterly and completely ridiculous without consulting said head first.

Yakov was about to give his nephew a piece of his mind when he found the silver-haired nuisance already running towards the godforsaken woods with a “Bye, Yakov!” shouted over his shoulder.

“ _You’re not leaving without a coat and a cloak, Viktor, get back here this instant!_ ”

And that’s how it happened that Viktor set out on his journey to find adventure. Or, Adventure, as he called it. Not that he could see the capital letter in his head, but he thought about it as an entity. Like an anthropomorphic personification, as Sir Terry Pratchett has named entities that take human form in Discworld, such as Death. Or the Oh God of Hangovers (I’ve thankfully had only interaction with the latter so far).

But Sir Terry Pratchett doesn’t really exist in this fairy tale, and neither does Discworld, or anthropomorphic personifications. Hence, please don’t expect to find Adventure here with a backpack and sunglasses conquering mountains.

There are no sunglasses around here, either. No one has ever heard of such things here.

But there _is_ a mountain.

 

**

 

“Coat and cloak, coat and cloak!” Viktor hummed, grinning at Makkachin as she skipped beside him when they entered the Dark Woods (which really should have been called the Dark and Altogether Terrifying Forest by normal people’s standards, but Viktor isn’t normal by anyone’s standards, so we’ll go with Dark Woods), “What am I going to need a coat and a cloak for, do you think? Yakov said they were important, though-, oh!” realization dawned on him, and he clapped his hands together in excitement, “They’re probably essential to finding Adventure!”

(We’ll let him believe that for the time being.)

Makkachin offered a “boof!” and a snort in agreement, sniffling at a flower that looked like it had died five seasons ago, it’s remains kept in the world solely by the green slime covering it. Like a blob of troll snot.

(Storyteller’s note: there are, in fact, trolls in this story).

The dog came to the conclusion neither the slime nor the flower was edible and trotted after her owner instead, who had slowed down his pace a bit to take in his surroundings.

“I’ve heard there are trolls and fairies in these woods,” Viktor told Makkachin, picking up a stick to poke at a mushroom the size of Yakov’s bald spot, laughing as it jiggled irritably at his ministration, as if offended (it was, in fact, very offended, because mushrooms are living organisms with feelings; be nice to mushrooms), “but I’ve never seen trolls and fairies before, so I don’t really know what they look like.”

He paused at that, tapping a finger on his chin in thought as he threw the stick away and resumed walking, “I haven’t seen Adventure, either. Wonder what it looks like…”

A loud, rumbling noise interrupted his thoughts. It rose from the depths of his stomach and reminded him there were sandwiches in his satchel.

“Lunch!” Viktor decided, and Makkachin “boof!”:ed in agreement, nosing the bag. Viktor ruffled her fur affectionately, looking around until he got an idea, “Let’s sit down on that big rock over there, and maybe Adventure will come our way! We just have to wait for a while. And eat.”

 

Adventure did, in fact, not arrive while Viktor and Makkachin were eating, because Adventure doesn’t exist in this universe as an anthropomorphic personification, and is something to be sought rather than something that just shows up.

But Viktor doesn’t know this.

“Helloooo! Is Adventure here somewhere?” the farm boy wondered, shouting into the darkness of the woods, “Yakov made me take seven sandwiches with me, but I’ve only got three left now. Hellooooooo!”

Nothing was heard, except for the ominous echo of his own voice. Viktor pouted.

“Please, Adventure! The king is dead, and the prince disappeared when he was picking flowers in the meadow to bring to the king’s grave. They say he has been kidnapped, though no one really knows. There’s only grief and sorrow, and I’ve heard you’re exciting! Adventure, please, where are you?”

Predictably, he received no response. Except for the faint echo, of course. Also predictably, Viktor wasn’t very happy with the outcome, so he crossed his arms over his chest and puffed up his cheeks in childish contempt, frowning.

“Adventure sure is stubborn, Makka.” He thought, glancing down at Makkachin who was sitting dutifully beside him, looking up at him with beady, black eyes. “Fine! If Adventure won’t come our way, then we’ll find Adventure instead. Let’s go!”

Well, at least, he was more on the right track to actually finding Adventure than before.

 

**

 

Night had fallen by the time Viktor had eaten his second to last sandwich. He was tired, feet aching, so he did the logical thing and sat down on a rock to rest and contemplate. Makkachin laid down beside him, ready to go to sleep after a long, long day. The leaves rustled above them, owls hooting in the distance, but Viktor wasn’t afraid.

He felt no fear.

Which might have had something to do with the fact that Viktor didn’t really know what fear was. Yakov had explained once that when Makkachin felt fear, she would whimper and hide her tail between her legs, but Viktor had not really seen her do that.

And Viktor had no tail.

(No, his genitals don’t count, don’t be ridiculous. This is a fairy tale.)

Viktor was pulled out of his musings by the increased rustling of leaves, the sound of fallen twigs snapping in time with the dull noise of heavy footsteps. _Very_ heavy footsteps.

He sat up a little straighter, heart pounding hard in his chest in-, oh.

_Oh!_

Excitement!

…maybe it was Adventure?

If it was, then Adventure was… terribly ugly.

Because out of the foliage emerged an enormous, foul and ugly creature the size of Yakov’s cottage, with a chin so big it reached all the way to its knees. The creature was huffing and puffing its way forward, carrying a giant sack on its crooked back. Viktor watched with great interest as the creature dragged itself along the path, fascinated by the sheer hideousness in his sight before remembering he had a question.

“Good evening, sir!” he shouted.

The creature stopped dead in its tracks. Then, it turned around slowly, chin scraping the ground as it leaned forward to examine Viktor through narrowed, nauseating yellow eyes.

“Puny dwarf.” The creature stated, its rumbling, rasping voice as deep and craggy as the mountain roots.

Viktor frowned, offended, “I’m no dwarf, I’m a boy!”

“Puny boy.” The creature corrected itself. Viktor puffed up his cheeks at that. “Look at that puny little chin of yours, so silly. Look at mine!” he proudly showed of his most prominent facial feature, covered in warts and greasy hair, “That’s what I call a _chin_. I’m sure the prince will choose me solely because of my beautiful chin. Yours really is tiny and awful.”

“I’m very happy with my chin, thank you very much.” Viktor pouted defiantly, but the creature had caught his interest. “But please tell me, sir, what it is you carry in your sack.”

The creature chuckled, “Ho-ho-ho! My sack is filled with silver grains I’ve harvested. And of course I have a delicious snake to go with it, perfectly rotten and ready to be eaten. Surely the prince will love my gifts.”

“What prince is it you’re speaking of?” Viktor asked, curious.

He received a huff in response, “Bah, like I’d tell a puny boy like you that!” it glared at Viktor through narrowed eyes, “I could turn you into a rat if I wanted to, but you might as well remain as ugly as you are.”

“Are you a troll?”

The creature chuckled deeply again, “Ho-ho-ho! Of course I’m a troll, puny boy! Couldn’t you tell by my beautiful chin?”

No, Viktor couldn’t tell. He had heard trolls were big and ugly, and the creature had fit the description very well in his eyes, so he had concluded it must have been a troll. Apparently, he had been right.

And he had another question, “Do you know where I can find Adventure?”

The troll’s face twisted into something akin to confusion, thinking hard.

“Don’t know what that is,” he muttered, adjusting the sack on his back, “but if you see my sister, you can ask her. I’m heading back to Troll Mountain.”

(Note that trolls in this fairy tale realm never really had had much of an imagination when it came to naming things. Hence, the big-chinned troll’s name was Big Chin, but Viktor doesn’t know that.)

“Bye!” Viktor called after the Very Ugly troll as he continued on his way. He pondered for a moment, looking down at Makkachin, who had woken up by the disturbance of the ground shaking beneath her due to the troll’s footsteps.

“His sister, huh?” he nodded slowly, tapping a finger to his chin, “I’d like to follow _him_ and see where he goes, though; he spoke about a prince…”

But as this is a fairy tale, Viktor waited for the sister to arrive instead, because everything of significance in fairy tales comes in threes. Or sometimes sevens and twelves.

Seven dwarves are fine in another fairy tale, I suppose. And twelve fairies in another. But twelve trolls passing Viktor on their way to Troll Mountain is just ridiculous.

 

The second troll was as foul and as ugly as the first one, but nothing was more hideous than her enormous nose, drooping down over her knees, warty and hairy and horrendous.

“Puny elf.” She thought.

“I’m no elf, I’m a boy.”

“Puny boy. That’s a disgustingly silly nose you’ve got. Look at mine! That’s what I call a real nose. I’m sure the prince will choose me solely because of my beautiful nose. Yours is tiny and awful.”

“I’m very happy with my nose, thank you very much. But please tell me, ma’am, what it is you carry in your sack.”

The troll cackled with laughter, “He-he-hee! My sack is full of golden grains I’ve harvested. And of course I have a delicious frog to go with it, rotten through and ripe to eat. Surely the prince will love my gifts.”

“What prince is it you’re speaking of?”

The troll huffed out a giant pile of green, slimy snot. Viktor made a face.

“Bah, like I’d tell a puny boy like you! Have you seen my big brother?”

“Yes, ma’am! He was headed back to Troll Mountain, he said.”

“Then I must hurry.” She stated, adjusting the sack on her back. “Hadn’t I been in a rush, I’d have turned you into a toad, but you might as well remain as ugly as you are.”

“Do you know where I can find Adventure?”

“…don’t know what that is, but if you see my little brother, you can ask him. I’m heading back to Troll Mountain.”

“Bye!”

 

“Puny halfling.”

Viktor really was tired of being called something he wasn’t.

“I’m not a halfling, I’m a boy, and you have very nice, long ears sir, but I like mine just as well. But please tell me, sir, what it is you carry in your sack.”

“Oh-ho-ho! Yes, my ears are beautiful.” The troll rumbled, and really, they were the complete opposite – long and warty and hairy, tips dragging along the ground, “And my sack is filled with precious gems and jewels I’ve gathered. And of course I have a fat, rotting toad as well, juicy and delicious. Surely the prince will love my gifts.”

“What prince is it you’re speaking of?”

“Bah, like I’d tell a puny boy like you! Have you seen my siblings?”

“Yes, sir, I have! They were headed back to Troll Mountain, they said.”

“Then I must hurry. Hadn’t I been in a rush, I’d have turned you into an oglop…”

“A what?”

“…but you might as well remain as ugly as you are.”

(“How does Long Ears know what oglops are?” asks the Author, incredulous.

The Storyteller shrugs, “He’s secretly into video games, don’t tell his mother. But you could include another parenthesis to explain what oglops are, maybe?”)

(Oglops are, in fact, a type of disgusting, jumping insects in the Final Fantasy universe. Author isn’t sure where Long-Ears has gotten his hands on any video games, consoles, a TV, or technology in general because none of that exists in this fairy tale universe, but the Storyteller tells the story, so that’s how it is.)

“Do you know where I can find Adventure?”

“…don’t know what that is.” The troll muttered, adjusting the sack on his back. “Look someplace else, puny boy.”

“Bye!”

Viktor frowned, looking after the giant figure as he huffed and puffed his way forward on the path to Troll Mountain. He hummed, contemplating his options, looking at Makkachin for inspiration.

“We should follow them, don’t you think?” he murmured, scratching her hazel fur, “We won’t find Adventure like this. And they said something about a prince.” He remembered, a grin stretching out onto his face. “I’ve never seen a prince before! It sounds exciting, Makka, just like Adventure. Come on, let’s go!”

Unbeknownst to him, Viktor had already found adventure.

 

**

 

At the very center of the very Dark and Altogether Terrifying Forest lays Troll Mountain. Which is actually a castle-like structure carved out inside the cold, grey stone, with only one entrance and one tiny little indent in the wall leading to the outside world.

The latter of the two was located high up on the wall in a chamber, a set of stone steps leading up to it. Through the indent, the light of the crescent moon shone through, barely managing to break through the thick foliage of the high trees.

And in that chamber, lying on a bed of dry moss and the hardest stone, was the lost prince. The prince that had disappeared while picking flowers to place on his father’s grave.

Prince Yuuri of House Katsuki, son of Queen Hiroko and the late King Toshiya. Little brother to Princess Mari.

He shifted, pushing himself off the, uh, “bed” to massage his back muscles as well as he could. The rough surface was harsh on him, as he was accustomed to resting on the softest down and gentlest linen, and no matter how many times he had tried making himself remotely comfortable on the “bed”, it was futile. His back was sore and his skin was bruised, and his clothes might have been pearly white at some point.

To clarify, they weren’t any longer.

The smell from the so-called food on the table in the middle of the room made Yuuri’s stomach churn, the odor quite enough to make him nauseous. The sight had bile rising in his throat.

It was all troll food. Fried rat-tails with snail purée, mud-soup with toad legs, roasted bat-ears… not to mention the exceedingly poisonous henbane porridge. All of which would either kill Yuuri, or worse, turn him into a troll.

He would rather starve than find out if it happened to be the second option.

Ignoring the horrendous smell, he walked over to the steps and climbed up to the indent, his body partially numbing and partially aching at the effort. Yuuri looked up at the moon pleadingly, as if it was his very last hope in the universe, whispering as he didn’t dare speak any louder:

“Please, let the fairies come soon. Please, let the fairies come.”

“We’re here, we’re here!” a tiny voice exclaimed as, indeed, a group of seven fairies flew into the chamber through the indent, wings fluttering urgently as if they had been racing the entire way. The smallest of them all, the blond boy who had spoken, came to hover in front of Yuuri, arms crossed over his chest, “We would have been here sooner if _someone_ wouldn’t have thought it more important to stare at his reflection in a water droplet for _eons_.”

“And it stinks in here!” he stated, wrinkling his nose in disgust, turning around to face the other fairies, “JJ, get that slimy fart stew out of this room at once!”

“Why is it always me?” a dark-haired fairy lamented, but did as asked, taking two others with him to get the task done.

“Beka, the berries.” The blond fairy ordered, and another dark-haired, more stoic fairy brought Yuuri a basket of all kinds of delicious blueberries, raspberries, cherries, strawberries…

“Thank y-“ Yuuri started, but the blond fairy wasn’t done yet.

“Leo, Guang-Hong, the fruit.”

Two more fairies fluttered over with a basket filled to the brim with apples, pears, plums, peaches, and altogether more than Yuuri could ever ask for.

“Thank you, all of you.” He told the fairies, also JJ who returned with his helpers when they were done getting rid of the troll food. “Thank you, Yuri.”

The blond fairy blushed up to his ears, averting his gaze.

“Whatever, Your Highness.” He muttered, gesturing towards the baskets. “Eat as much as you like, then we’ll take the baskets back. We don’t need Old Mama Troll finding you having fresh food.”

Shivering at the mention of Old Mama Troll (she’ll be with us in a minute, unfortunately, but you’ll understand soon enough), Yuuri complied, devouring the fruit and berries as quickly and neatly as he could, careful not to spill a single thing onto his once white garments. And when he was done, Yuri and the other fairies took the baskets with them, promising to return at dawn again.

Yuuri barely made it down the steps before heavy footsteps echoed from outside the door. Panic rising in his chest, he scrambled to get seated on the rock in front of the table, having just managed to arrange his legs when the lock cracked and clicked as a key was turned. The door creaked and screeched like a banshee as it was pushed open to admit a foul and ugly sight and a foul and horrendous smell.

Also known as Old Mama Troll.

Yuuri clenched his jaws, hoping he was succeeding in keeping his facial expression a neutral, nondescript one.

Old Mama Troll was the foulest and ugliest of trolls there was, with a chin down to her ankles, nose scraping the ground, ears dragging behind her. (Actually, her chin was as big as Big Chin’s, her nose as big as Big Nose’s, and her ears as long as Long Ears’, but Yuuri doesn’t know that because he had never met them before.) She also smelled twice as horrible as all the troll food combined.

Yet, she was the one making a noise of disgust upon entering the chamber, while Yuuri desperately attempted to keep his recently swallowed food in his stomach.

“Blah!” Old Mama Troll spat, holding onto her nose with two bony, warty hands, “What a _horrendous_ smell of fresh air! Why don’t you pull the lid over the indent up there, hm? Or you could move to my chamber, for that matter. I’ll have you know, my chamber has the _best_ air you could ever ask for; it hasn’t been aired out for a thousand years!”

“I like looking at the moon.” Yuuri murmured, knowing she was expecting a reply of some sort. He settled for a vague one, as he couldn’t really tell her that he loathed poisonous, disgusting air without having her wrath unleashed upon him.

Old Mama Troll huffed, “Looking at the moon, huh? Silly boy you are, little prince. What’s that to look at? My chamber is filled with silver and gold and the most precious jewels. Much better than _the moon_.” She cackled at her own reasoning, while Yuuri feigned ignorance, fisting the fabric of his once white garments.

(Old Mama Troll’s cackling is, as you might guess, a hair-raising experience neither the Author nor the Storyteller recommend anyone ever experiencing. Neither take responsibility should you seek to do so anyway.)

“Well, let’s have a look at the appetite then, shall we?” Old Mama Troll cawed as she headed over to the stone table, taking in the sight of the emptied pots and pans, “Look at _that_ , what a darling boy! Not a bite is left of the banquet dinner. We’ll be awaiting some nice and stormy weather tomorrow!”

She cackled some more, harder than before, flailing around the chamber much like a gigantic bat, blissfully unaware of the fairies that provided Yuuri with fruit and berries and that took away all the appalling concoctions that hardly could be called food.

“My children have finally returned home, too.” She revealed, causing Yuuri’s heart to freeze in his chest, a cold hand clamping down over it at the news he didn’t want. “Soon they’ll be presentable, and then, you will choose one to marry. Oh, wonderfully horrible night!”

(Please note that when Old Mama Troll says: “wonderfully horrible”, it translates to common tongue as “terribly wonderful”. Then again, it’s not at all wonderful for Yuuri in any way.)

Old Mama Troll finally left, and Yuuri barely found the strength to move his numb body again. He climbed the steps to the indent slowly, leaning out as much as he could to inhale deeply, filling his lungs with as much fresh air as possible. It was right about then that Old Mama Troll’s words started to sink in, and Yuuri’s heart sunk in his chest.

Her children were home.

She was making him marry one of them.

He was supposed to _marry a troll_.

The void in his chest filling with despair, agony and desperation, he looked up at the moon, allowing the tears of misery spill down his cheeks, unable to hold back a sob.

“Please,” he whispered, voice trembling, willing the moon, the fairies, _anyone_ to hear him, “please, help me.”

He missed his mother. He missed his sister. He missed his father, and the people of Hasetsu, of Yu-Topia.

He just wanted to go home.

 

**

 

“Makka, look!”

Viktor excitedly pointed towards a swarm of what looked like moving dots of light that were exiting the mountain from a small indent high up on the wall, flying down into the woods, “Let’s follow them, come on.”

As quietly as humanly (and… caninely?) possible, Viktor and Makkachin followed the lights through the foliage and into a clearing, where the small star creatures gathered into a circle of flowers. Squinting a little, Viktor could see that the light dots were, in fact, small people with sheer, glimmering wings, shining bright and beautiful in the darkness.

They had to be fairies, Viktor figured. Yakov had told him once that fairies were small and had wings, and that they liked flowers.

(The Author would like to point out that Viktor was actually a clever boy. He just had a hard time figuring out the Adventure-thing.)

“Poor Prince Yuuri,” one of the fairies said in a voice so small Viktor could barely hear it, but he listened intently, absolutely sure the fairy had mentioned Yu-Topia’s lost prince, “Old Mama Troll is going to force him to marry one of her children.”

“They have returned to Troll Mountain tonight.” Said another one. “It won’t be long.”

“We have to do something!” a third stated angrily, “We can’t just hover around and let it happen. The queen believes her son to be dead, and should he marry a troll, he soon will be.”

“But what can _we_ do?” a fourth fairy asked helplessly, “We don’t know the spell.”

The spell?

Viktor tilted his head curiously. He wasn’t entirely sure what a spell was, but it had something to do with… words, didn’t it? And the spell was apparently important for helping the prince.

He wanted to help the prince. Not that Viktor had ever seen the prince, or a prince in general, but he had heard stories telling of the kind and beautiful Prince Yuuri of Yu-Topia, and he would like to meet him to see for himself.

(Yakov could have told you here that Viktor had always had a soft spot for all things beautiful and pretty, that he was drawn to them like a moth to a flame. The Storyteller can testament to this, as well, and the Author really has no objections, either.)

The logical thing to do if he were to help the prince, thought Viktor, was to step right into the clearing and ask the (supposedly) fairies directly what had to be done.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he smiled brightly.

In the blink of an eye, the fairies flew up from their flower ring and scattered all over the clearing, eyeing Viktor from a distance. Viktor pondered for a moment, trying to figure out where he went wrong.

Maybe he should have elaborated a bit better from the start?

“The prince, I mean.” He explained, looking around as he wasn’t quite sure which fairy to focus on. “Is there anything I can do to help him?”

The fairies stayed still for a moment longer. Then, one of them moved, flying down to hover in front of Viktor, arms crossed over his chest.

“Do you know the spell?” he asked grumpily, “Only the correct spell recited by a fearless human can sweep the trolls away from Troll Mountain, and that’s the only thing that can save the prince.”

Viktor tapped a finger to his chin, “I may not know the spell, but I can read, and I’m sure I can learn it. I’m also human, and my uncle always said I have no fear.”

The blond fairy narrowed his eyes, flying in a loop around Viktor before halting in front of him again, mid-air, “Who are you?”

Viktor beamed. They were getting somewhere!

“I’m Viktor, and this is Makkachin!” he introduced himself and his trusted companion, who wagged her tail in excitement at the mention of her name, always ready to show she was a good girl, “We came to the woods to look for Adventure, but we found some foul and ugly trolls instead. They were talking about a prince, and I thought of the lost prince and wondered if it happened to be the same prince, so I followed them here to find out.”

The blond fairy gave him an unimpressed look.

“Yes, it’s _the_ prince.” He finally revealed, annoyed for some reason Viktor couldn’t quite figure out. “His Royal Highness Yuuri of House Katsuki of Yu-Topia.” He pursed his lips. “You’re an airhead, but you’ll do, since your human and stupid.”

Viktor blinked, “I thought I was supposed to be human and fearless?”

“Fearless equals stupid.” The fairy stated plainly. “But it’s _vital_ we save the prince, so listen closely…”

Viktor nodded eagerly, sitting down on the ground beside Makkachin as the fairies flocked around him, telling him what he needed to do.

What needed to be done to save _the_ prince.

 

**

 

The rock and the moss were not comfortable. Not in any way, shape or form.

Yuuri’s back was screaming at him as he gave up his attempt on entering a dreamland he would never have to return from, sitting up with great effort and scooting closer to the wall for support. Mind numb and hazy, he fidgeted with the once white, silken fabric of his greying, worn clothing.

He didn’t notice the tears flowing again before they hit the fabric covering his thighs.

(Yuuri actually wants to curse at this point, but as he is a prince and has been taught all his life to not give into such an un-princely habit, he stays silent on the outside while shouting inwardly. Prince Yuuri is, in fact, incapable of cursing inwardly as well.)

He would rather die than marry a troll, Yuuri concluded bitterly. The fairies could help him with the food, but there was no way they were going to be able to help him escape the horrifying fate he was facing. A fate that seemed all too close and all too sudden.

Sighing, Yuuri dried the tears away with his sleeve, looking up towards the indent to have a look at the moon. And immediately had to do a double take.

Since when did the moon have a face?

This was it, Yuuri was certain. He was going insane. The moon didn’t have a face! (Yuuri is right, actually, the moon doesn’t have a face. Not even in this fairy tale.)

“Your Highness?”

Yuuri startled, shaking his head to look up at the… face. It was a face. A face that had spoken.

“Your Highness, can you… can you move?” the face asked tentatively, “Can you climb up here, my prince?”

Slowly, Yuuri rose to his feet and walked closer, ascending the steps to the indent as he attempted to take in the face. (He had figured out by then that it didn’t belong to the moon, and that he wasn’t hallucinating.)

He paused halfway, briefly, to marvel at the sight before him.

The silver hair seemed to hold a thousand stars, and the finest gems of aquamarine looked as if they held a thousand more. Whoever the boy in the window was, he was a sight to behold, and he took Yuuri’s breath away as he continued to climb, drawn to him much like the tide to the moon.

“Who are you?”

 

Viktor’s breath caught in his throat as the prince came closer, features illuminated by the moonlight filtering in through the indent. His clothing was ragged and a little dirty sure, but the prince was beautiful to behold nevertheless. The raven locks and the honey-soft skin looked silken to the touch, and when he finally reached the top of the steps, coming face to face with Viktor, he found wide, doe-y eyes of sienna blinking up at him in wonder.

(It should perhaps be pointed out that Yuuri’s hair at this point in the story is quite greasy, and that his skin is as dirty as his clothing, blemished with bruises and scratches. But Viktor has fallen in love at first sight, and ‘greasy’ and ‘gross’ are far from what he’s thinking about the prince at the moment.)

Ah, but the prince had asked who Viktor was! He should probably introduce himself.

“I’m Viktor, at your service, Your Highness.” He greeted the prince with a smile, trying to remember what Yakov had taught him about how one should interact with nobles and royals. It had a fancy name, uh… e-ticket or something. (Viktor is, of course, thinking of the word etiquette, and he really doesn’t know what an e-ticket is, because no such things exist in the fairy tale realm.) “I came to the woods to look for Adventure, but I found some foul and ugly trolls instead, and they were talking about a prince, so I wondered if they were perhaps talking about you, Your Highness. I followed them here, and the fairies have told me there is a spell that can sweep the trolls away from here for good. I just have to find it.”

Chestnut eyes widened further as the Prince gaped in amazement, a glimmer of hope twinkling along with the stars. Viktor decided he would very much like to look at the prince for the rest of his life.

“Yes, there is a spell.” He whispered, voice so soft and gentle Viktor never wanted him to stop talking. “I’ve heard of it, but…” he swallowed, frowning slightly, “…it would never work if I were to cast it. Can you?”

Viktor tilted his head, curious, “The fairies say I can. I’m human, and I have no fear. But why would you not be able to cast it, Your Highness?”

The corners of the prince’s mouth twitched, and he averted his gaze, “You’re brave. I’m not. I have fear.”

Viktor frowned, “The fairies called me stupid, not brave.” The prince let out a startled little laugh at that, and Viktor felt incredibly pleased with himself. “And I think you can be brave and still have fear. They can’t be, uh… what’s the expression… mutely excused…?”

“…mutually exclusive?”

“Yeah, that!” Viktor grinned, nodding, “Mutually exclusive. Because being something doesn’t mean you can’t have something else, right? I can be stupid and still have a dog.”

“You have a dog?” the prince’s eyes sparkled, leaning a little closer.

“I do, Your Highness.” Viktor proudly announced. “Her name is Makkachin, she’s a poodle.”

The prince fixated him with a determined look, and Viktor was ready for whatever royal command was coming his way. He had decided he liked the prince very, very much and thought him very, very beautiful, and very, very many other good things.

“You need to find the spell and get me out of here, so I can meet your poodle.” The prince stated, and Viktor nodded in agreement. “Do you know where you can find it?”

Oh, yeah. Viktor had been hoisted into the air for a reason.

“That’s why I came to see you like this, Your Highness.” He revealed, feeling only slightly sheepish about forgetting it the second he had laid his eyes on the prince. “Do you know where the Cursed Room is located?”

The prince frowned in thought, worrying his bottom lip. Then, to make sure Viktor’s heart would beat at rabbit pace, he tentatively reached out a hand to wrap it around Viktor’s on the windowsill.

“I overheard Old Mama Troll talking to someone about a cursed room at the root of the mountain. It must be the one. But you must be careful Viktor,” the prince saying his name was liked being lowered into a warm, pleasant bath, Viktor thought, “the fairies can’t go that far beneath the ground. When they can’t follow you any longer, you’re on your own.” He gave Viktor’s hand a squeeze. “Stay safe, and please… please, hurry.”

“I promise.” Viktor assured, hesitating for a moment before taking the prince’s soft hand into both of his. “I’ll be as fast as the wind and as quiet as the mountain itself. I will not let you marry any troll, my prince,” oh, it felt good saying ‘my prince’, for some reason, “I swear. On my life.”

 

For the record, if you haven’t guessed so already, Yuuri has also fallen in love at first sight. Viktor is, after all, quite beautiful a sight himself, with his silvery hair and sky-blue eyes, and while his hair is also quite greasy for the time being and his next to abnormally pale skin dirty and a little bruised from making his way through the woods, Yuuri only sees it all as a sign of bravery and falls a little more in love.

(Because love at first sight is possible in fairy tales. I don’t make the rules here, the Storyteller does.)

But back to the story, where the boys are holding hands on a windowsill and looking at each other as if the other holds the answers to life, the universe and everything.

Yuuri’s heart was pounding hard against his ribcage at Viktor’s words. Tears of gratitude and emotion(s) were beading at the corners of his eyes, and he reached his other hand out as well to take both of Viktor’s into both of his, giving them a squeeze.

He didn’t want to let Viktor go. Not yet.

Not when they had only just met, and Yuuri was experiencing feelings he had never known before. He had an angel in front of him, a softly smiling, beautiful otherworldly being who was looking at Yuuri with a dreamy expression on his face.

…Yuuri’s face might have held a similar expression, actually.

“You’re beautiful, my prince.” Viktor said suddenly, tilting his head. “I don’t think the stories do you justice. None of them told me you would be able to take my breath away and make my heart beat so fast. I think I have butterflies in my belly, is that healthy?”

Yuuri felt warmth rise to his cheeks, probably blossoming red.

“I, uh…” he murmured, trying to find his tongue, “…I have butterflies in my belly, too. I think it’s okay.” He worried his bottom lip. “Viktor, may I… may I kiss you?”

Blue eyes widened to the size of mill-wheels, mouth dropping open in surprise at Yuuri’s question. Viktor opened and closed it a couple of times, before nodding fervently.

“Yes. Yes, please, Your Highness.”

Yuuri felt the blush spread towards his ears, “Call me by my name. Call me Yuuri. I haven’t heard my name since I was taken.”

Viktor nodded again, “Please, Prince Yuuri.”

With an internal sigh and a note to himself to tell Viktor to drop the formalities… later, Yuuri leaned forward over the windowsill, Viktor meeting him halfway to press their lips together.

 

Viktor’s head is, at this point, floating on rose-colored clouds somewhere in seventh heaven, because Yuuri is kissing him, and he’s kissing Yuuri, and no matter what universe Viktor and Yuuri are in, sparks will fly in all and every direction.

But, yeah, Yuuri is kissing Viktor and vice versa.

Prince Yuuri’s lips were a little chapped and dry due to the dryness of the room he was being kept in, Viktor figured, but they were still so incredibly soft he never wanted to stop. Surely, Prince Yuuri had to be otherworldly, because there was no possible way someone as soft and kind and beautiful could possibly be human.

A hand released Viktor’s and gentle fingers came to caress his cheek, and after a moment of surprise, Viktor reciprocated, bringing his hand up to feel the prince’s, _Yuuri’s_ , smooth skin. Prince Yuuri made soft noise, vibrating against Viktor’s lips, and his heart quickened its pace after skipping a beat and making his stomach flip.

(Author: You know, I’m pretty sure he was _feeling_ other things as well.

Storyteller: This is a fairy tale, you can’t write “all his blood rushed to the southern realms of his body”. Save that for another story.

Author: All right, all right, just saying.)

The prince slowly broke the kiss and Viktor’s eyes fluttered open to take in the sight of Prince Yuuri’s formerly pale cheeks tinted in a lovely shade of rosy pink. Viktor suddenly got a strong urge to kiss him again, so he did, leaning in to peck him on the lips.

“I will find the Cursed Room and the spell, Prince Yuuri.” He promised once more. “I will save you.”

There was a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of Prince Yuuri’s lips, and Viktor knew that failure wasn’t an option. He knew that because more than anything, he understood that he absolutely needed to see Prince Yuuri smile, needed to see his eyes sparkle in delight.

That was a good goal to work towards, was it not?

“Then I’ll see you soon, Viktor.”

 

**

 

“Well, His Highness seems to approve of you, airhead.” The blond fairy concluded as Viktor was placed back onto his own two feet, Makkachin circling his legs. “Now, let’s get you into the mountain so you can find that spell. I’ll come with you as far as I can go.”

Viktor beamed at the fairy, still flying high above from the sensation of having met and been kissed by the beautiful Prince Yuuri.

“Thank you, Yuri!” he grinned, ignoring the fact that the fairy rolled his eyes at him, “There’s no time to waste, Prince Yuuri asked me to hurry. Makkachin,” he crouched beside his dog, ruffling her fur affectionately, “you stay here and watch over Prince Yuuri, okay? I’ll be right back.”

“Yeah, let’s hope so.” Yuri muttered. “Come on, stupid.”

Viktor nodded and stood up, following the fairy around the mountain, all the while reminiscing Prince Yuuri’s soft gaze and the tender kiss. His heart had been racing, his breath stolen from him in the best way he could imagine, and the butterflies in his stomach had multiplied when their lips met.

He had been thrilled.

Excited.

Realization dawned on Viktor like a bolt of lightning from a clear midday sky.

Prince Yuuri had made him feel thrilled. He had made Viktor feel excited. And he couldn’t be human, being as wondrously amazing as he was.

There really was no other explanation.

Prince Yuuri was Adventure.

(As you understand, Prince Yuuri isn’t, in fact, Adventure with a capital A. But he is, in a sense, an adventure for Viktor, because adventure is defined by Merriam-Webster as, among other things, “an exciting or remarkable experience”, and Yuuri is definitely a both exciting and remarkable experience for Viktor.)

And now, we leave Viktor to his task of finding the Cursed Room and the spell that will sweep the trolls away from this fairy tale. But as you already know that he will eventually find the room (it has a big black X marking it, should he be unsure of which door to choose among the only one available) and the spell, we’ll let him do that part of the story on his own. Viktor has, after all, gotten most of this story to himself, as he is a boy (young man) with silvery hair and blue eyes and a dog, the kind of character you expect to find in an adventurous story.

So instead, we’ll stay with Yuuri now, who is not really the kind of character featured in great adventurous stories. His hair and eyes are entirely the wrong color, for one, and he would most likely be portrayed as a servant or a farm boy in most stories of great adventure. In a fairy tale like this one, Yuuri wouldn’t be the one imprisoned, either. In his stead, there would be a beautiful princess with golden hair and blue eyes, who shines as bright as a star with a pearly white dress and unblemished skin, regardless of her surroundings.

In fact, Viktor would be closer to the depiction of a fairy tale princess than Yuuri.

The problem with imprisoned fairy tale princesses, or in this case, princes, is also that they are always given a passive role. They sit there and wallow in misery, until the hero sweeps in to save the day. (Both the Author and the Storyteller will tell you that Yuuri doesn’t like this very much.) However, Yuuri is here imprisoned by ginormous, foul and ugly trolls, and Viktor is the one that’s going to save him.

That doesn’t mean Yuuri won’t get to save someone else a little later, and take that active role he deserves.

 

**

 

It was with a glimmer of hope in his heart and an enormous knot of dread in his stomach that Yuuri restlessly moved about the chamber, frustrated with his situation. He could do _nothing_ but wait, and it was all kinds of agonizing and annoying.

Heavy footsteps alerted him to someone approaching the chamber, and he heaved a sigh before sinking down onto the moss-covered rock in front of the stone table when the locked cracked and clicked, the door opening with that hair-raising, screeching noise.

Old Mama Troll entered in all her hideousness with what must have been her three… children… cackling excitedly. The noise she was making had goosebumps prickling Yuuri’s skin, much worse than the door.

“Look here, little prince!” she cawed proudly, patting one of the god-forgotten offspring on his humongous, warty chin, “This is Big Chin, my oldest, and he has brought something for you.”

The troll placed a sack in front of him on the floor, opening it to reveal its contents. Yuuri’s stomach churned.

…was that a rotting snake?

“Silver grains for you, my prince, and a delicious snake to feast on.” He announced proudly, answering Yuuri’s silent question.

“Very good, Big Chin.” Old Mama Troll approved, walking over to the next troll to pat her giant, snotty nose. “This is Big Nose, my daughter, and she’s brought something, too.”

Yuuri had to press his lips together not to let out a noise of disgust as the troll opened her sack to reveal its contents. A decaying frog. That was exactly what he wanted for dinner.

“Gold grains for you, my prince, and a delicious frog to feast on.” Nausea pooled heavily in his gut.

“Excellent, Big Nose.” Old Mama Troll praised, waddling over to the last troll to pat one, long and warty ear. “And this is Long Ears, my youngest, and he’s brought something as well.”

Gems and a half-rotten toad. Perfect. Bile rose in Yuuri’s throat, and he had to glue his tongue to the roof of his mouth to stop himself from gagging and throwing up on the spot.

“Gems and jewels for you, my prince, and a juicy toad to feast on.”

Nice. _Yach!_

“Marvelous, Long Ears.” Old Mama Troll stated proudly, cackling in delight while Yuuri was trying not to puke, his heart rapidly sinking to the pit of his nauseous gut. “I’m in a good mood, a proper _troll_ -mood! Yes, yes, the engagement will take place tonight.” She then waddled over to Yuuri, standing beside him and pointing towards her appalling offspring.

“You will marry one of my children, little prince.” She croaked eagerly, while Yuuri held his breath so as not to inhale the horrid stench coming from the old troll. “You will choose for yourself whom it is you want. I mean, sure, maybe you’d prefer all three of them, but you can only have one!”

Yuuri decidedly wanted _none_.

“Look at them,” Old Mama Troll continued, bleak, yellow eyes gleaming, “look at my children. There are no children more beautiful on this side of the moon, but of course, they take after their mother. Look at them, little prince.”

Yuuri decisively stared at the wall between Big Nose and Long Ears, refusing to look at any of them. He kept his expression blank, internally praying for Viktor to hurry, and hoping his silence would be interpreted as indecisiveness.

“Well, who’s it going to be?” Old Mama Troll inquired, growing impatient, “All of them are a good choice, you see. They are all well-versed in the ways of trolls and magic, and old enough to marry – and they have at least a thousand more years to live, too! You see, there is only one thing and one alone that trolls like us have to fear, and that’s not something we need to fear either.”

Yuuri’s heart fluttered at her last words, the image of a beautiful young man with silver hair entering his mind.

“What thing is that?” Big Chin asked, confused.

Old Mama Troll gaped at him, “Haven’t I ever told you?!” she exclaimed. When all of her children shook their heads, she looked at them incredulously, “Well, it’s about time to rectify that, then. You see, my beloved children, there is a spell that can sweep us all away from here, that can wipe us out from existence. I’m shivering down to my toenails merely thinking about it. But fear not!” she added when the trolls began shifting worriedly in their spots, “The spell is well-hidden and known by no creature that could actually cause any harm with it.”

“What creature is that?” Big Nose asked warily.

“Ah, well, you see, the creature has to be human.” Old Mama Troll explained. “A human without fear of the dark, and without fear of trolls. But a human like that, I’ve never met, and if we ever were to meet one, we just have to snap our fingers and send them to another universe before they can cast the spell. Or just turn them into a toad, much less effort required.”

Long Ears scratched his ear, frowning, “I met a human boy in the woods on my way home.”

 _Viktor_ , Yuuri understood, his heart skipping a beat, then speeding up its pace. His gaze unavoidably flickered to the indent above them, almost hoping to find a head of silver hair there.

Viktor had followed the trolls to Troll Mountain. He wasn’t afraid.

“So did I.” Big Nose confirmed, stroking her nose nervously. “And he wasn’t afraid of the dark.”

“Nor was he afraid of trolls.” Big Chin remembered, scratching his chin.

…perhaps the fairies, or probably Yuri, had been a bit closer to the truth by calling Viktor stupid than Yuuri had been calling him brave. Most probably, though, he was just stupidly brave.

Old Mama Troll shivered, “Brr, how you frighten me! Why didn’t you turn him into a slimy little worm?”

“We were in a hurry.” Big Chin muttered sheepishly.

“We just wanted to return home.” Big Nose backed him up.

“And get to the prince as soon as possible.” Long Ears nodded in agreement with his siblings.

“Brr, you’re making me nauseous!” Old Mama Troll fretted, pulling at her ears, “But that should pass soon enough. Yes, it will. We needn’t worry about a silly little boy. He doesn’t know the spell, and he doesn’t know where to find it, he probably doesn’t even know there is such a thing… yes, he doesn’t know, good. Very good. I’m starting to fell quite well again!”

To Yuuri’s absolute horror, she suddenly seemed to remember what she and her children had came to his chamber for in the first place, as she approached him again, leaning all too close for comfort. She really did reminisce an enormous, walking cadaver, only smelling much worse.

“We shan’t forget the engagement, shall we?” she croaked, showing her single, rotting tooth beneath her warty nose, “Have you made your choice, little prince?”

 _Yes_ , Yuuri thought bitterly, keeping his façade in place. _I choose none of them_.

Viktor seemed a much better option.

In fact, Viktor was the only one Yuuri had ever felt drawn to like he had, which was a heart-fluttering thought. They had only met once, very briefly, but there was something about Viktor that had Yuuri’s pulse quickening and releasing all those butterflies in his stomach.

Also, Viktor could really please _hurry!_

“Why so quiet, little prince?” Old Mama Troll inquired, “No answer, hm? Are you sleeping, maybe?” Yuuri wished he was. That would mean all of it was just a dream. “Let’s find out!”

The following moment, he cried out as the old troll pinched his arm. _Hard._ It hurt something awful, his body briefly going rigid in surprise and pain.

“Too shy to choose, little prince?” Old Mama Troll demanded, narrowing her eyes at him, “Should I choose _for_ you, huh? Very well, you’ll have Big Chin. He’s the oldest after all. Is the little prince content with that?”

Yuuri pursed his lips, blood boiling under his skin.

“No.”

All movement stilled in the chamber as he spoke up. It was the first word he had uttered ever since they entered the chamber, and the first he ever said in the presence of Old Mama Trolls offspring. It was also all he was ever going to offer them, he thought defiantly.

No.

Nothing.

Old Mama Troll was staring at him in wide-eyed shock, her jaw literally hitting the floor as her mouth dropped open, “What did you say?”

Hands curling into fists as he steeled himself, Yuuri turned his head to face her, meeting her gaze directly with the most murderous glare he could muster.

“I said no.” He repeated, voice cold and laced with venom. “I’m not going to marry any troll, ever. I’m going to go home, and I’m going to marry whoever I wish. I’m not going to stay here on a rock for the rest of my life eating your disgusting food and breathing this suffocating air. I’m going to go home to my mother and sister, to our people, and you can’t stop me.”

This time, Yuuri anticipated it when his arm was seized in a bruising grip, but he didn’t anticipate being yanked from his seat, stumbling to find footing on his aching legs. Old Mama Troll was _livid_ , bristling with fury as she hissed at him.

“Is that so?” she spat, as if each word disgusted her, “Foolish boy. You’ll never go home, because my nephew is about to marry your sister – he was the one who sent you away, and he doesn’t want you back, because he’s going to become heir to the throne as soon as the wedding bells ring.” She cackled evilly, grip on Yuuri’s arm tightening further, surely blocking all blood flow to and from his fingers.

Yuuri’s heart froze as her words sunk in.

His sister was very, _very_ close to marrying a troll, who would take over the country after being seated on a throne.

It… couldn’t be true. But it probably was.

(Unfortunately, it is very true. Mari is about to be wedded to a troll, and she’s not very happy about it. Well, she doesn’t know he’s a troll, and neither does her mother, because he has disguised himself very well. It’s now up to Yuuri to get to them before it’s too late, and here starts Yuuri’s part of the adventure, with a mission to save his mother and sister.

However, that requires Viktor saving _him_ first, so let’s hope he hurries up with that spell a little bit.)

“From now on, you’re staying in my chambers!” Old Mama Troll threatened Yuuri further, yanking him closer to stare him down, enormous nostrils flaring, “There’s some air befitting a prince like you, and I’ll feed you troll food seven times a day. Then, you’ll marry Big Chin. But before that, I’m going to teach you some manners, which you apparently lack!”

Ancient or not, Old Mama Troll was much too big and much too strong as she pulled Yuuri along with her, ignoring his protests (which mostly consisted of “Let me go!”). Panic unavoidably rose in his chest as he looked around frantically for a way out, praying internally that Viktor would _please just get to this part of the story already!_

“Get in!” Old Mama Troll ordered, opening the door to her chambers, the air punching out of it so foul and suffocating that bile rose in Yuuri’s throat as he had to cough, “You won’t be resting on any soft moss in here, I’m telling y-“

(Storyteller: This is where Viktor comes in.

Author: Well, thank _God!_ So, how did the spell go again?)

“ _I summon thee, winds of the west…_ ”

Yuuri’s heart skipped a beat. Old Mama Troll went rigid, letting go off Yuuri as if the touch had burnt her.

“… _to cleanse the mountain grey._ ”

Viktor was standing at the end of the long corridor, a stone tablet in his hands, Yuri the fairy hovering beside him. Old Mama Troll raised her arms, perhaps to utter a spell of her own, but Yuuri used his newfound freedom to kick her hard in the nose and run over to Viktor, who continued:

“ _I summon thee, winds of the east_ …”

“Children, do something!” Old Mama Troll screeched, sounding like she was choking, “My magic…!”

“It’s not working!” Long Ears shouted, kneeling on the floor, apparently unable to stand up.

“ _…to sweep the trolls away!_ ”

The shrill cries from four trolls was deafening. Yuuri covered his ears and Viktor placed the stone tablet down to do the same.

(A troll’s cry at its moment of doom is a piercing, bloodcurdling scream that not only raises your neck-hair on end, but also makes your eardrums wilt and crumble should you not cover them properly. Neither Viktor nor Yuuri knows about this, because Yuri forgot to tell them that, but they’re doing great anyway.)

_Anyhow!_

The enormous gates to the mountain flew open, and the unforgiving winds of the west and the east burst into the castle, sweeping away Old Mama Troll and her offspring, ripping them away from the world and from this fairy tale, never to be seen again.

When the winds settled, Yuuri let out a long breath he didn’t even know he was holding, turning to Viktor to fling his arms around his neck, hugging him close. When Viktor, after a moment of surprise, hugged him back, Yuuri let out the relieved laugh that bubbled in his chest, burying his face in Viktor’s shoulder.

“You found it.” He grinned, kissing Viktor’s cheek, ridiculously happy and overwhelmed. “You found the spell.”

“I did, Prince Yuuri,” Viktor informed him cheerfully, nuzzling his (greasy) hair, “the Cursed Room wasn’t very hard to find. It had a big black X on it and all.”

Yuuri laughed, clutching Viktor tighter, “But…” he leaned back to finally look at his savior properly, “…how did you get into the mountain?”

Viktor’s bright grin only widened, “Why, Prince Yuuri, I came through the gate, of course! That’s the only way in, if you’re not fairy-sized.”

“But, how?” Yuuri asked, incredulous, “I thought only trolls could open it!”

“Long Ears went out to get something, muttering about a lost jewel.” Yuri replied nonchalantly, as if he had nothing to do with said, uh… _misplaced_ gemstone. “We snuck right past him.”

“Right, right.” Yuuri bought the explanation, then went straight ahead to his next point of worry. “And how do we get to Hasetsu? My sister is about to marry a troll, and I won’t allow that to happen.”

“Don’t worry, Prince Yuuri.” Viktor assured him, picking up the stone tablet and placing an arm around his shoulders, leading him towards the open gates. “We’ll take a carriage!”

Yuuri frowned, “And where do we find a carriage?”

“Makkachin will find one for us.” Viktor said confidently as hazel brown poodle trotted up to them, circling and sniffing Yuuri, who cooed at her. “We’ll make it to Hasetsu in time, Prince Yuuri, there’s no need to worry.”

“But how-?”

“Fairy tales, Your Highness, fairy tales!” Yuri exclaimed, exasperated, “The dog will find you a carriage and horses. You will also find a spring, and clean clothes.”

“Wha-?”

(Author: Get them to Hasetsu already, will you?

Storyteller: All right, all right!)

Suddenly, a voice boomed from the sky, which brightened, bringing daylight to the Dark and Altogether Terrifying Forest, the trees turning lush and vibrant green, flowers and bushes sprouting from the ground:

“AND SO, A PATH CLEARED THROUGH THE WOODS, AND A CARRIAGE APPEARED BEFORE THEM, WITH SIX WHITE STEEDS READY TO TAKE THE PRINCE, THE FARM BOY AND HIS DOG ALL THE WAY TO HASETSU. THE PRINCE’S ONCE WHITE GARMENTS TURNED PEARLY WHITE AGAIN, AND THEY ALL WERE CLEANED OF THE DIRT AS IF THEY HAD BATHED IN THE PUREST NATURAL HOT SPRING.”

(Author: …you’re not supposed to do that, you know.

Storyteller: Just speeding things up. Look, they’re thanking Yuri now, and finally leaving. Dog and all. Let’s get to the last part of the story already, shall we?

Author: _Yes!_ )

 

**

 

“I don’t really understand what happened back there…”

“I don’t think it’s anything to worry about, Prince Yuuri.” Viktor assured him for the umpteenth time, leaning in to kiss his cheek, causing it to blossom pink. “We’re getting to Hasetsu faster this way, aren’t we? And we’re almost there, too, just through the city gates now…”

Yuuri blinked, “I thought you said you’d never been to Hasetsu before.”

“I haven’t, Prince Yuuri, but the horses seem to know where they’re going, and we’re at some kind of city gates. Just figured.”

“Viktor,” Yuuri said then, remembering something he had thought of much earlier, back in captivity in the woods, “please, call me Yuuri. Just… just Yuuri. Drop the formalities.” He smiled tentatively as he reached over to take Viktor’s hand in his. “We’ve already kissed.”

He got a beaming smile in response, “Your wish is my command, Yuuri.”

Yuuri’s ears burned. He distracted Viktor from noticing by leaning in to kiss him. Then, he turned to look out the carriage window.

“We’re here.” He realized.

The horses had indeed known where to go.

Yuuri’s mother and sister was standing beside a man that wasn’t a man but actually a troll in disguise, a troll ready to be wed to Princess Mari of House Katsuki in front of all the people of Hasetsu and the kingdom of Yu-Topia.

The creature was hiding behind a mask of human skin, and it was up to Yuuri and Viktor to expose it.

“You deserve a grand entrance, Yuuri.” Viktor reasoned, handing him the stone tablet with the spell. “I know it says ‘mountain grey’ there, but it should work on any troll anywhere, shouldn’t it? No restrictions were mentioned in the user’s manual.”

“In the what?”

“It’s not important.”

“The spell won’t work if I cast it…”

“Yes, it will, Yuuri. You’ll see.” He pecked Yuuri on the lips, giving him a wink as the carriage came to a halt. “I’ll introduce you – you do the rest.”

Yuuri opened his mouth, then closed it, nodding instead. Viktor gave him a thumb’s up before jumping out of the carriage, smiling up at the royals on the castle steps.

“Greetings, Your Majesty, Your Royal Highness!” he smiled brightly, waving at Yuuri’s mother and sister, “My name is Viktor, and this is my loyal companion, Makkachin. I went to the Dark Woods to look for Adventure, and I did find it as well. I found Prince Yuuri.”

(Viktor, of course, is still absolutely certain Yuuri is the anthropomorphic personification of adventure, after all.)

With gasps and murmurs from the people around them, he held out his hand for Yuuri to take, and Yuuri jumped out of the carriage, clutching the stone tablet to his chest, feeling much more confident in the face of a troll with a new set of clothes and a new resolve.

And with Viktor by his side.

He pointed at the troll, “You! You are nothing but a troll, nephew to Old Mama Troll, and cousin to Big Chin, Big Nose and Long Ears. They have all been swept away by the winds, and so shall you be, you fraud!”

And in front of all the people of Hasetsu and the kingdom of Yu-Topia, in front of the queen and the princess, in front of Yuuri and Viktor, the prince-(not)-to-be was forced to drop his human skin at Yuuri’s words, revealing his true nature, including his humongous, warty and hairy feet.

The queen and the princess pulled back while Royal Guards hurried over to protect them, and more of them coming over to shield Viktor and Yuuri. The rest of them hurried to stand in front of the people, even though many of them were trembling in their armor at the hideousness they were subjected to.

But Yuuri stepped past the guards, stone tablet in hand, and spoke loud and clear:

“ _I summon thee, winds of the west, to cleanse the mountain grey.  
I summon thee, winds of the east, to sweep the trolls away!_ ”

And just like his aunt and cousins at Troll Mountain, the troll gave up an earth-shattering scream (people were covering their ears, thankfully, except for an old man in the back who had been deaf since birth and hence was immune to the screech to begin with) and was swept away from this world and this fairy tale, never to be seen again.

When the dust settled, Queen Hiroko of House Katsuki rushed down the steps to embrace Yuuri, and Princess Mari followed soon after.

“Thank the gods you’re safe.” His mother whispered, squeezing him tight. “I’ve been so worried.”

“He was a troll all along, huh?” Mari pondered, accepting Yuuri’s crown from one of the servants, who had been quick to retrieve it, and placed it on his head, “Bastard. Thanks, kid.”

“Thank you, Viktor,” Yuuri’s mother went on, pulling Viktor into a hug as the guards parted to let him pass, “for saving our Yuuri and bringing him home.”

“It was our pleasure, Your Majesty.” Viktor assured cheerfully, referring to himself and Makkachin, who was obediently sitting beside him, wagging her tail in excitement.

Hiroko hummed, “Well, Viktor, since this is a fairy tale, I should offer you my son’s hand in marriage now, but I don’t really like that part of fairy tales, so I’ll leave that to him himself to decide. I would be honored if you would join us for dinner, though, so I could offer some other tokens of gratitude instead.”

“What, like half the kingdom?” Mari inquired, amused.

Her mother shrugged, “No, that’s not a responsibility I would wish to weigh Viktor’s shoulders down with. Question is: what does Viktor want?”

Viktor hummed at that, pondering. Reaching a decision, he turned to Yuuri.

“A kiss?” he asked tentatively, tilting his head. Yuuri giggled at the adorable little lilt in his voice, leaning in to peck Viktor on the lips.

“Would you marry me, Viktor?” he asked then, blushing all the way up to his ears, “Please?”

Viktor lit up, “Why, Yuuri, of course!” and in front of the queen and the princess and all the people of Hasetsu and the kingdom of Yu-Topia, he flung his arms around the flustered prince, kissing him full on the lips, grinning happily as they parted, “Nothing would make me happier, nothing in the world. I have finally found Adventure, after all.”

Yuuri wasn’t entirely sure what Viktor meant by that, but he smiled anyway, so happy he was about to burst at the seams.

“I’m glad.” He smiled, nuzzling Viktor’s nose before kissing him again, uncaring of all the eyes on them, of all the gaping mouths. “I’m very, very happy.”

“So am I, Yuuri.” Viktor told him solemnly, pecking his nose. “And now, we can write our own fairy tale!”

“What even _is_ a fairy tale?!”

 

And so, the tale of The Boy Who Sought Adventure comes to a close. Viktor found his prince, married him per the prince’s request, and they lived happily ever after in a land not too far away from here. The end.

So while the beginning of this fairy tale was as it should be (“Once upon a time…”) and the ending is a standard one as well (with the hero marrying the prince/ss and living happily ever after), we must remember that it was Yuuri asking Viktor to marry him this time around. His hand wasn’t just offered, and he wasn’t given away, but chose for himself.

That’s not particularly fairy tale-like.

“Neither are all the pop-culture references you managed to get in there.” Viktor pointed out, saving the document and swiveling around in his chair to fixate his gaze on his husband. “But I suppose that’s fair, I used a lot of parentheses.”

Yuuri chuckled at that, pushing himself up from the couch, “Let me see.”

Viktor complied easily, patting his knees for Yuuri to sit down in his lap so he could scroll through the 10 000+ words he had spent the entire day putting down on paper. Well, virtual paper, but still. Yuuri scrolled through the text, brows furrowed.

“A mushroom ‘as big as Yakov’s bald spot’, really?”

“I couldn’t resist.” Viktor grinned. ”Are you sure you don’t remember what Long Ears threatened to turn me into? I’m sure I’ve told you.”

“You can’t even remember yourself.” Yuuri pointed out, snorting as he scrolled past ‘slimy fart stew’. “Oglop was the first thing that came to mind.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t remember it was called ‘mutually exclusive’, though.” Viktor groaned, which had Yuuri chuckling at him. “I did remember etiquette, though. I’ve just always thought it sounds like e-ticket.”

“They are very close.” Yuuri agreed. “Yeah, let’s leave it like this. But why did you write ‘our’ parts in present tense? This happened before, not now.”

“Then how do you explain the booming voice of the Storyteller working its magic directly?” Viktor pointed out, tapping a finger on the table, “I’m quite sure this is happening to us again in that same universe. We’re just going in circles. But actually, I just wrote our inputs in present tense to distinguish it a bit from the fairy tale.”

“I’m mostly fascinated you decided to include them in the first place.” Yuuri admitted, amused.

“I had to.” Viktor told him solemnly, smiling, circling both arms around Yuuri’s waist. “I want to remember every interaction with you I’ve ever had. Of course I had to include everything. Even the dictionary definition of adventure.”

Yuuri laughed at that, “You dork.” He told Viktor fondly, caressing his cheek. “I love you, my fearless savior.”

Viktor beamed, “And I love you, my prince.” He promised, coaxing Yuuri down to press an unhurried kiss to his lips. “What’s on the schedule for tomorrow?”

Yuuri hummed, resting his forehead against Viktor’s as he contemplated, “Any suggestions?”

Viktor pondered for a moment. Then, his eyes lit up “How about that time when I hitchhiked from my home planet?”

Yuuri tilted his head, “More adventure? I’d like that.”

“No, no, you’re missing the point here, my Yuuri,” Viktor insisted with a grin, “no matter the time, the place, the universe – regardless of everything and anything – you are my adventure. Every day, hour and breath with you is an adventure. We have naught but adventures to tell.”

**Author's Note:**

> J.R.R. Tolkien famously never said: “It isn’t an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons in it.”* (the quote is actually from a book by Sarah Ban Breathnach, called _Simple Abundance_ ). It’s just that many people seemed to believe he did, so to all of you who didn't read the warnings and expected dragons, this adventure probably feels like it wasn’t worth reading. Terribly sorry to have wasted your time. (* In The Hobbit, however, Tolkien does write: "It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him." I figured I had no dragons living nearby, so I left them out.)
> 
> This little piece of fiction was originally written not with Victuuri, but with characters from the Discworld-universe of Terry Pratchett (it was also much longer, because they were about fifteen more fairy tales included in a single humongous thing). The reason being that one of my good friends recently got his PhD, and is now considered a proper Pratchett-scholar, so me and a few other storytelling, eager-to-write-friends picked out a bunch of fairy tales and rewrote them as "self-aware" and "self-conscious" fairy tales with a bunch of pop culture references. I'm sad I didn't think to include anything relating to TMNT in my part, but there was plenty of them in the others. I'm happy he got the mushroom-thing, though.
> 
> I would like to say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I'll return with that hitchhiking thing Viktor mentioned tomorrow, if I'm still alive (anyone volunteering to finish my relational algebra exercises? I can send coffee and cake over e-mail as thanks).
> 
> Terry Pratchett, while on the subject of supposed ducks, once held a [speech](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2FZ_0d3yEI) (or a person once held Pratchett's speech while Pratchett made funny faces in the background) about the importance of being amazed by absolutely everything. As an author, and human being, I should take this to heart. You may use this information however you like.
> 
> It is educational.
> 
> Good night!


End file.
